Move on from heartache, pain, and darkness with one (simple :)) ACT!
Forgiveness
Forgiveness, in my opinion is one of the most powerful and overlooked and dismissed tools in our personal journeys of life. It is the answer to happiness and freedom from most of life’s hardships.
Forgiveness has two important parts. Forgiveness to the self, and forgiveness to others.
What is forgiveness?
A quick search on the internet will bring you these points for thought and more. I think they are worth reading just for the sake of getting a well rounded approach to Forgiveness.
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. ... Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses.
Types of Forgiveness:
Unconditional forgiveness. The highest type of forgiveness we can offer someone who has hurt us is unconditional forgiveness. ...
Conditional forgiveness. ...
Dismissive forgiveness. ...
Grace
Forgiveness is for our own growth and happiness. When we hold on to hurt, pain, resentment, and anger it harms us far more than it harms the offender. Forgiveness frees us to live in the present. ... Forgiveness allows us to move on without anger or contempt or seeking revenge.
Forgiveness becomes a choice. Most of us do not think of forgiveness as a choice. When we feel harmed, wounded, betrayed, or damaged we want relief and often we want revenge. Just as revenge is a choice, so is forgiveness.
The before mentioned primarily speak in regards to situations regarding others. We will get to the Self later.
Forgive everyone around you for all they have or will do that will hurt, offend, or straight up ruin something important to you! Make this an eternal continual practice and you will be happy and whole as you move through life’s hardships!
Why would I? You may ask…
The real question is why wouldn’t you?
Holding a grudge ruins your happiness and disposition for the short and long terms of your life.. no one else’s. And in turn you move around sharing this weird energy or dis justice attitude with others even though completely unintentionally sharing with others leads to two or more outcomes, 1: people feel obliged to choose sides or even worse 2: you are bringing up negative feelings and ideas about others and now your life rhythm and what your are known for is hard ideas and feelings that become just to much for most people to bare or understand. There is no value in sharing this negative stuff unless in a constructive fashion to those that want you to share and give and accept advice from, and this is only valid during the moment of the hardship. If you are sharing this more then a couple of times with the same person or have already shared this with a few CLOSE friends then sharing further I would think may be past the line. You are already creating unnecessary negativity and hardship around you and others. I’m not talking about venting about a situation to your close confidants. I’m referring to the bigger stuff. The larger offenses that consume enlisting dissent, resentment, and thoughts of revenge or getting even.
These feelings, if not managed or forgiven will build and interweave into a part of your life narrative and become a long term reason your life didn’t work out, or become the blame for not create change for you and this becomes the reason so long ago that this part of your life was taken or broken and now for those reasons you live in a life of discontent and dissatisfaction or worse alone and deprived of all happiness.
Look around at those you know that harbor resentment and I would stake my life that most of life’s resentments that pass on even at death as unresolved with our loved ones were at least mostly misunderstandings or unnecessary to hold on to! At the end of life there is no reason to not have everything resolved and leave this life for the next in peace and harmony. No disagreement or wrong is worth holding onto.
I say misunderstandings in a way that articulates the idea of every story has two sides. Many decisions, decision makers, and all kinds of data and reasons and thoughts that go into life’s hardest situations. These situations have people and places and feelings and assumptions and all kinds of intangible elements until the concrete portion of a situation comes to light and the problem presents itself and the victims and winners are decided. 50 years ago I think a situation would build to a problem and it would naturally get worked out over time eventually simply because you had the time, proximity or distance and simplicity to address most of life hardships. I also feel that until the last century hard stuff was hard stuff and humanity was used to having a hard life in general and so it wasn’t the issue it can be today. Simply put in the old days you had to move on because just surviving was rough enough.
I don’t believe at all that the evil in the world today was created by people that all got up this morning and said “ you know what? I’m going to be the worst person in the world today and I’m going to ruin the lives of those in my way at all costs” as we embark to work or a meeting or even divorce or a mediation or even politics I feel we all mostly feel justified that we are doing the right thing justly and rightly on both sides. Our narratives to self are for self preservation and survival. We all rationalize our behaviors in one way or another and I would say that mostly we are all good people. Sure some people just suck. However that is where forgiving and moving on from these types of people and situations gives you the distance and peace to leave that shit behind.
I want to forgive anyone that is causing me residual negative reflection behind.
These are my HOW TO Resolve, Forgive and Move On Steps:
Forgiveness to others:
(NOTE to the reader: You don’t have to say to anyone I forgive you. In fact I would say its best to never say that out loud to someone unless the injustice is clear and both parties need that to be shared. In the sticky situations where both sides feel slighted it’s not necessary in fact saying these words will continue the issue.)
What the fuck is going on and what/who exactly is my problem?
Why is this a problem? (I mean truly WHY is this an issue?)
Whats my part in this and have I taken a moment to reflect on how things got this way?
When did this start?
Why do I care so much?
What do I need to be responsible for?
Is this something or someone that I need to settle up with in some way? (Is a conversation possible?)
If so… Conversations of this type are either a discussion, fight, or a letter/written response, or an emotion of forgiveness. (Which applies best to this and look into your heart about what this situation best needs to resolve.)
Get it all written, thought out, and execute on this. (The goal here is: Know that when you leave this behind YOU did all you could to make it right.)
My favorite sentence in these situations is this: “I love you and appreciate the good times we had together. I am truly sorry for my part in how things ended up, and I want to move on!” Know whether you want to move forward with or without this person so you can leave the situation how you want it. When you walk away from this physically or emotionally you should feel the toxic energy float out and away from you like star dust in the night.. You should feel soooooooooooo much relief and gratitude for this resolution and clearing. (The other party is responsible for their outcome, not you! Which is why knowing in your heart you did what you could or needed to do was enough and this is OVER!)
Give Gratitude for this relief and reflect on the moment and really take the time to feel the adjustments. Relax and embrace this moment in your heart, body, mind, and soul.
Forgiveness to SELF:
(NOTE: Sometimes situations are so far past, or not even possible to involve others, also sometimes others are holding on to something so removed from you that they don’t know how to forgive you or worse even want to forgive, and it was such a past self for you that forgiveness of the self is the only thing to do. A good indicator here is anyone that wants to continue to mistreat you, call you names, or yell. This is a person to leave and work on self forgiveness and bless them with love and kindness on their way.)
1. What is the truth to this and what did I do that was wrong?
2. Have I done all I can to remedy things?
3. If forgiveness is all that’s left to do then follow through.
4. Look into the mirror and take 3 deep slow breaths in and out through the nose and look straight into your eyes and with all the love you can muster and heart of things say to yourself:
“Christian, I love you and know this hasn’t been easy and I know that things didn’t go as planned, but I forgive you for all you have done to hurt yourself or others. And I forgive you for this ________________ (situation) specifically. You are a good person and it’s time to move on from this. I forgive you. I forgive you, I forgive you. And let that settle into you. You will know when its been enough.
5. I would last suggest burying something that you put the negative energy into somewhere to give the energy back to Mother Earth. She knows where this energy belongs and will handle it for you.
6. Also if necessary take a nice Epsom salt bath to take out any lingering physical energy or connections.
7. Share and say anything and everything you are grateful for and that you will do better and never think of this again. Its in the past.
If you need to start with a general list of stuff that has built up because there is so much.. List it out and start with the easier parts. Start somewhere.
The act of forgiving others and yourself is a benefit to you and those around you. You will start to feel more gratitude and over all happiness and satisfaction with life. You will start to spot those around you that are healthy and unhealthy for you. You will have healthier respect for yourself and others. You will naturally choose to be around better and healthier people from this because you will be free of self blame and hatred within your spirit and gravitate to like minded people.
Life will truly be sweeter and bring about your well being. We were not designed to hold on to this stuff. We are designed to love and share with others, and in turn love ourselves.
With this shared I would say, get to the state of forgiveness with all you can as fast as you can and the more you clean up the loose ends in your emotional life with yourself and others the more free and happier you will be.
love your best life!
With Peace, Light, and Love for you,
Christian
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